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Cindy Gallop: Make Love Not Porn

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L2: Generation Next Forum 2010

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cindygallop Avatar
Posted: 07.19.10, 01:09 PM
@actionman I appreciate your correcting yourself on this one. You're right, children will always find porn, which is why, as I say in my talk, porn is not the issue. What we all need to do is encourage an open, healthy dialogue around sex in the real world, so that people, at whatever age, bring a healthy understanding of what real world sex is really about when they view porn, and are able to enjoy it as fantasy entertainment, not the way sex should be. As per Mary Beth Williams writing in Salon about this issue: 'Thinking you can learn about making love to a woman from watching porn is like thinking you can learn to drive from watching 'The Fast and the Furious'
cindygallop Avatar
Posted: 07.19.10, 01:05 PM
@actionman Many thanks for your feedback. Just to clarify a few things: - first of all, I'm 50, not 60 - although I totally accept the wrinkle cream may not be working - I began dating younger men because they approached me (I've never hit on a younger man in my life). I am extremely selective about whom I date, and as a result I date only really lovely younger men, in relationships that, while casual, are based on mutual liking, respect, trust and affection (and continue as friendships after they go on to date girls their own age or move to other parts of the country). MakeLoveNotPorn is based on only some of my experiences with my younger lovers, not all. And none of them are what you characterize as 'sick twister perverts'. - I hasten to add I am absolutely not patronizing Gen Y, 'babying' them or 'treating them as a bunch of children who don't know how to be human' (and btw, the opening of my talk should be contextualized; I was speaking at a conference about Gen Y to marketers who were there specifically to learn more about them). I receive emails every day in response to MakeLoveNotPorn, from young/old, male/female, literally from all around the world, and if you check out the 'About' section of the site, you will see extracts from some of them, predominantly from Gen Y-ers, where you may get a better sense of why so many of them have welcomed, need and appreciate what MakeLoveNotPorn is designed to address, and continue to write me thank you emails (I received one today from a 22-year-old man thanking me). - Actually, personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with coming on someone's face if that's what turns you both on. The point of MakeLoveNotPorn, if you look at the site, is that what some people like, others may not, even though porn tends to represent a lot of stuff as 'the norm', and so the important thing is to just have an open conversation about what you both do and don't like. We all get vulnerable when we get naked; sexual egos are very fragile; and people find it surprisingly difficult to talk to each other about sex when they're actually having it. - I completely concur that everyone should 'start helpin instead of creating more problems'. MakeLoveNotPorn is designed to help - and you might be interested to check out my main startup venture, IfWeRanTheWorld at , which is designed to enable everyone to help make everything they would like to see happen. - And I'm afraid that when it comes to 'dressing like a background dancer from a Cher music video', um, that's pretty much what the whole of my wardrobe is like - as my entire entertained family, friends and business acquaintance could tell you. Conferences are all too often characterized by one long speaker line-up of men (and women) in grey suits. I like to give the audience something entertaining to look at, to help keep them awake when I'm speaking
actionman Avatar
Posted: 07.17.10, 02:04 AM
Actually I have to apologize for the above comment about the It IS funny what these women put themselves through for some quick cash, but it is NOT funny coming from a 7 year olds mouth. This is a problem that will be difficult to solve however, as we both know that children will find porn at that age. Either on their computer, mobile phone, or a friends.
actionman Avatar
Posted: 07.17.10, 01:50 AM
Hm.. I don't belive that when gen Y looks at hardcore porn they believe that is how sex is supposed to be. You are generalizing far to much and acting as if everyone in Gen Y is completely desensitized and stupid. Basic human instinct and emotion is far more powerful than With the immaturity of the internet, we are going to see social problems such as this in passing fads, coming and going. And those 7 year olds that were talking about the funny things men do to women on were absolutely right. It is funny. For the sole reason that those women chose to be gagged, bound, and abused for money. They are publicly humiliating themselves and could walk away at any moment. But that is off topic. I have sat and watched hard core heterosexual porn with girlfriends. We would act out the positions and have fun with it. But if we were erotic and let the emotional sensation of real love making take over, we would do that. Like I said, it was human nature. Gagging a woman, or cumming on a girls face is not natural. And men want to get laid. Women will walk away from a man who keeps trying to cum in her face if she doesnt want it. After enough women walk away or refuse to have sex with a kid who thinks that hardcore sex is normal sex, he will learn. Stop treating gen Y as if they were a bunch of children who dont know how to be human. They will learn just as you did in time, how to cope with the stresses and difficulties of life. Stop babying them, that is what created most of these problems in the first place. You should know this since you "know" gen Y. And by the way, I can see why this would be a concern to you, any 20 year old male who is having sex with you, is going to be some kind of sick twister pervert trying to bang a 60 year old woman who dresses like a background dancer from a Cher music video. Of course everyone is trying to jizz in your face. You must think of these things before you start rambling about GEN Y IS WRONG. Start helpin instead of creating more problems. Give Gen Y advice, don't sit back and critisize. That't what your generation is supposed to be doing.
cindygallop Avatar
Posted: 07.16.10, 10:55 PM
@Invictus_88 Thank you!
Invictus_88 Avatar
Posted: 07.16.10, 04:31 PM
Hell yes - some clarity and honesty and openness! So crushingly, stiflingly rare.
cindygallop Avatar
Posted: 07.16.10, 11:05 AM
@tkp Completely agree. To clarify - MakeLoveNotPorn is a gender equal website and is targeted at both men and women. Its point is exactly what you say - particularly also because I hear from, and talk to, a lot of young men who are finding their female partners influenced by porn in the same way (putting on 'performances' that get in the way of true enjoyment, fulfilment and connection). And not too much detail at all - I completely concur with your point about 'downright funny', and interestingly enough, that forms a key part of where I am planning to take MakeLoveNotPorn to make it more far-reaching and effective - watch this space!
tkp Avatar
Posted: 07.15.10, 12:08 PM
Cindy. Terrific. I have much to say, variations on themes covered in your talk and website. One point slightly different. It appears to be all centered around "re-educating" the male's approach to sex. Once that is done, the world is a better place. But both men and women should be empowered, like yourself, to simply say "this ok, that no". Sexual experience can be enhanced with a level of "limit setting" that should be part of a great "experience". In fact, it can be a downright funny part of the flirtation etc (too much detail now). This is only one tiny part of your topic, but quite important that girls do not empower men with the choices of how things are done. If they don't like something - say so!
cindygallop Avatar
Posted: 07.05.10, 09:44 PM
H1111, thank you so much for your comment - I'm delighted to get your feedback!